Loss

We live in a row house. This means that people live on either side of us sharing walls with us. It's not like the student apartments that I've lived in, where you can hear your neighbour talking on the phone and can decipher what they're saying. We rarely hear our neighbours, only when they are banging on the wall that we share to put up a picture or something. Last night was a little different.

I finished up the page I was working on for my scrapbook and went downstairs to see what Tim was up to. I was in the kitchen getting a drink and noticed that there were flashing lights outside. This isn't that abnormal because there are a lot of ploughs around and trucks with lights on them from the mine. I looked anyway and I saw a police car and an ambulance parked in front of our neighbours house. Tim came in to have a look and said something along the lines of "oh no, something must have happened to Charlie". I didn't know this but our neighbour Charlie has been sick for some time and pretty much bed ridden since the new year. He's retired and has a few grown-up kids (who have kids of their own). Tim works with his son and that's how he knew all about his illness.

We stuck around, saw that paramedics get the stretcher from the back of the ambulance and then we heard it. The distinct sound of grief, sobbing. We decided to pray at that moment, for the family, for Charlie, for the paramedics. We sang some songs, we cried because we knew that Charlie's time was up. Even though we didn't really know him we always chatted if we were going in our houses at the same time. We helped clear their driveway of snow. We saw their little granddaughter visit everyday and their children come and go. And we saw Charlie being carried out of his house on the stretcher, covered from head to toe in a blanket and none of the family join him in the ambulance. We heard a woman weep for her loss.

I think about his wife. They take away her husband and she is left alone, in the house that she has shared with him, where they raised their children. I think about all the things that must remind her of him; his pick-up with the little toy moose head on the cab, the smell of his clothes, the empty bed beside her. I couldn't imagine loosing Tim, I don't know if I would survive. He's my best friend, the one person in the world who knows everything about me. The one I plan to have babies with and travel the world. Everything would remind me of him, our lives are completely intertwined. I thank God everyday that he has given me such a wonderful companion and I pray that we will have many more years together.

It's strange witnessing someones loss, hearing their cries, and feeling their helplessness. Honestly I never want to experience that again, yet I know I have to because it's a part of our mortal lives. I just pray for the strength, the wisdom, and the words to say when that day comes.